Mind Over Mayday

Tag: addiction

  • Breaking the Stigma: My Journey Through Crisis to Wellness

    Breaking the Stigma: My Journey Through Crisis to Wellness

    The pager vibrates, the tones drop, the trauma alert is heard overhead, and the adrenaline rush kicks in. For first responders and healthcare workers, this cycle is the rhythm of life. We’re the ones who answer the call, who rush in when others run out. We’re the caregivers, the problem-solvers, the ones people count on during their worst days. But what happens when the caregivers need care themselves? What happens when the very people who are trained to be strong for others find themselves struggling? For far too long, the answer has been silence—silence driven by fear, stigma, and the unrelenting pressures of our professions.

    I know this silence intimately. For years, I lived it. I’ve been the one who brushed off my own struggles, convincing myself that asking for help would be a sign of weakness, or worse, proof that I didn’t belong in this line of work. There’s an unspoken rule in our world: “If you can’t handle the job, get out of the business.” It’s a mantra designed to weed out those who don’t belong, but it’s also a trap. It keeps too many of us—good, capable, compassionate people—from acknowledging our humanity. It kept me from acknowledging mine.

    The demands of this life don’t help. Twelve-hour night shifts, back-to-back calls, and an endless stream of people who need us—there’s rarely time to eat, let alone to seek out therapy or other forms of care. And when we do manage to carve out the time, the resources are often scarce. Mental health care tailored to the unique needs of first responders and healthcare workers is hard to come by. The general resources available are often ill-equipped to address the cumulative trauma and high-stakes pressures we face. It’s easier to push it all down, to tell ourselves, “I’ll deal with it later.” But later never comes—until it’s too late.

    That’s what happened to some of my colleagues. I’ll never forget the heartbreak of attending their funerals, standing shoulder to shoulder with others who wore the same uniforms, all of us asking the same agonizing question: Why didn’t they reach out? But I knew the answer. They didn’t reach out for the same reasons I hadn’t. The stigma. The fear of judgment. The crushing weight of shame.

    Those losses were a turning point for me. They forced me to confront the reality that even the strongest among us—the ones who seem to have it all together—can struggle to a devastating degree. I realized that if I wanted to continue doing the work I love—and to be the mother, friend, and colleague my loved ones deserved—I had to start taking care of myself. I had to stop seeing my mental health as an inconvenience or a weakness and start treating it as the foundation of everything else in my life.

    It wasn’t easy. In the beginning, I felt an almost unbearable sense of shame. Asking for help felt like admitting failure. But I’ve come to understand that it’s the opposite. Asking for help is one of the bravest things we can do. It’s an acknowledgment that we’re human, that we’re not invincible—and that’s okay. It’s okay because we matter. You matter. I matter. We’re irreplaceable in the lives of those who love us, and we’re irreplaceable in the work we do. But to keep showing up—for our families, for our patients, for our communities—we have to put on our own metaphoric oxygen masks first.

    Today, I’m no longer ashamed to say that I see a therapist, that I take psychiatric medications, that I’ve prioritized my mental health, or that I’ve set boundaries to protect my well-being. It’s not selfish. It’s survival. And it’s the only way I can continue to do this work without losing myself in the process.

    To my fellow first responders and healthcare workers: I see you. I know the weight you carry, the sacrifices you make, and the strength it takes to do what you do. But I also know that strength isn’t about pushing through no matter what. True strength is recognizing when you need support and having the courage to ask for it. It’s knowing that you can’t pour from an empty cup, and taking the steps to fill it—even when it feels impossibly hard.

    My Personal Story

    In 2023, nine months after giving birth to my daughter, I experienced a complete breakdown of my mental health. Despite the joy of welcoming her into the world, I was overcome by crippling anxiety. Scenes from my work in EMS bled into my personal life, filling my mind with horrifying images of my daughter in catastrophic situations—falling down a flight of stairs, being ejected from a vehicle, or succumbing to SIDS. These spiraling thoughts, compounded by sleepless nights, mood instability, and destructive behaviors in my relationships, pushed me into a downward spiral.

    Adding to the pressure of new motherhood—even as a mother of two—I felt I should be able to handle everything. I feared being judged as a bad mother, an incapable professional, and a burden to my family. I isolated myself, neglected my well-being, and lashed out at those I loved most. I stopped eating regularly, and the stress-induced starvation caused me to lose nearly 70 pounds in just nine months. I was physically and emotionally depleted, tempted to relapse, and teetering on the edge of complete collapse. Eventually, I reached my breaking point, culminating in a mental health crisis that led me to seek intensive treatment.

    I entered New Freedom Academy, a 30-day intensive treatment facility in Canterbury, New Hampshire, which turned out to be my lifeline. The campus was stunning—a serene environment with manicured grounds and beautifully maintained facilities that fostered healing. Clients stayed in comfortable dormitories and shared meals in a cafeteria catered by a private chef, featuring vegetables grown on-site. Daily activities included classes and therapy sessions in a bright and inviting hall, yoga and meditation led by outside instructors, and opportunities to explore the peaceful grounds. The program wasn’t a locked facility, which gave me a sense of autonomy, but it provided the structure I needed to begin my healing journey.

    Each day was carefully structured, with approximately five hours of group therapy modeled like classes. Topics ranged from substance abuse and codependency to self-love, CBT, DBT, and health and wellness. I met with a nurse practitioner to manage my medications, a licensed trauma therapist, and a case manager to coordinate care for my discharge. The staff, many of whom had personal experiences with recovery, created a space of genuine empathy and connection. It was transformational to know that I was not alone and to bond with others from diverse backgrounds—including veterans, professionals, and elderly individuals struggling with isolation.

    It wasn’t easy being separated from my daughter, but the staff reminded me that taking this time for myself was an act of love for her. Throughout my stay, my recovery community and family supported me from a distance, sending letters and gifts and arranging video calls with my daughter. What initially felt like a failure turned into one of the most empowering decisions of my life. I left the facility with a renewed sense of hope, better tools to cope with my mental health, and the realization that seeking help is an act of strength, not weakness.

    Returning home wasn’t the end of the journey but the beginning of an ongoing process. I worked with a psychiatrist to fine-tune my medications—a painstaking but worthwhile effort that required honesty and patience. I continued therapy, incorporating Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a technique designed to help reprocess traumatic memories. In EMDR sessions, I was guided by a therapist to recall distressing events while focusing on a series of bilateral stimuli, such as moving my eyes back and forth or following hand taps. This process helped reduce the intensity of my trauma-related emotions and reframed my experiences in a less harmful way. It was difficult but profoundly effective.

    I also took steps to rebuild my physical health after months of weight loss and neglect. I focused on a well-balanced diet, reduced caffeine intake, began journaling, and started taking supplements to address high cortisol and oxidative stress levels in my body. I returned to running, meditation, and spending time in nature. I leaned on my recovery community, attending meetings and reconnecting with loved ones. And I started this blog as a way to process my experiences and inspire others to prioritize their mental health before it’s too late.

    Slowly but surely, I began to feel stronger. My journey is far from over, but I know I’m on the right path. I’ve learned that to give my best to the people who depend on me—my children, my patients, my colleagues—I must first give that care to myself. And if sharing my story can encourage even one person to seek the help they need, then every step of this journey has been worth it.

    The Mission

    The stigma won’t disappear overnight, but it starts with us. It starts with sharing our stories, breaking the silence, and reminding each other that it’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to carry it all alone. There’s help out there, and there’s no shame in reaching for it. Finding and affording the right care can be hard, but it is possible if you deeply explore what is out there with the same fervent effort you dedicate to your career- because ultimately your performance at work, and the longevity of your career, depends on your wellness, and the ability to show up as the best version of yourself. 

    If you’re struggling, please know this: You are not alone. Your life matters. And the world is a better place with you in it.

  • Recovery in the Trenches: Navigating Sobriety in the Medical Field

    Recovery in the Trenches: Navigating Sobriety in the Medical Field

    When I stepped into the world of emergency medicine, I carried more than just a trauma bag and a drive to help others. I also carried my history—a story of survival, sobriety, and relentless hope. As a person in recovery, working in the medical field has been both a profound challenge and an incredible opportunity for connection.

    The Challenges of Recovery in the Medical Field

    Working in emergency medicine means constantly being surrounded by chaos, trauma, and moments that would shake anyone’s resolve. For someone in recovery, the stakes can feel even higher. We see patients at their worst—overdoses, withdrawal, and the physical toll of addiction. It’s impossible not to see pieces of my past in their eyes, and that can stir up emotions I thought I’d buried long ago.

    The medical field also has its own culture, one that doesn’t always prioritize mental health or sobriety. Stress is often managed with substances like alcohol, and “blowing off steam” after a tough shift can quickly spiral into unhealthy habits. For me, navigating this environment while staying true to my sobriety has required strong boundaries and an unwavering commitment to my recovery.

    Then there’s the stigma. While I openly share my story in spaces where it can help others, I know not everyone in the medical field understands what it means to be in recovery. Sometimes, I’ve felt like I had to prove that my past doesn’t define my present. But instead of being a limitation, my history has become a source of strength.

    Turning Challenges Into Opportunities

    One of the unexpected gifts of being in recovery is the ability to connect with patients on a deeply human level. When I encounter someone battling addiction or struggling through withdrawal, I don’t just see their chart or their diagnosis. I see their humanity. I see their potential.

    For example, when treating a patient who’s overdosed or in the grips of substance use, I don’t shy away from the conversation. If the moment feels right, I might say, “I’ve been where you are. It doesn’t have to end here.” Those words can be a lifeline, not just because they’re comforting, but because they come from someone who has walked the same path. I’ve seen patients’ eyes light up—not with shame, but with hope.

    These moments of connection are some of the most fulfilling parts of my job. They remind me that recovery is not just about staying sober; it’s about being of service. Every interaction is an opportunity to plant a seed, to remind someone that they’re not alone, and that change is possible.

    Self-Care as a Lifeline

    Recovery in the medical field has taught me the non-negotiable importance of self-care. Long shifts, emotional cases, and physical exhaustion can be dangerous for anyone, but for someone in recovery, they can be a slippery slope. I’ve learned to prioritize my mental and physical health—whether that’s through my morning and evening routines, regular therapy, or connecting with my support network.

    I’ve also found it essential to stay grounded in my “why.” Why did I get sober? Why did I choose this career? Reflecting on these questions keeps me aligned with my values, even on the hardest days.

    Breaking the Stigma

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that people in recovery bring unique strengths to the medical field. We know how to rebuild after hitting rock bottom, how to empathize without judgment, and how to find resilience in the face of hardship. Yet, stigma around addiction and recovery still exists, even in healthcare.

    By sharing my story, I hope to break down that stigma—not just for my patients, but for my colleagues. Recovery isn’t a weakness; it’s a testament to strength, perseverance, and the human capacity for change. The more openly we talk about it, the more we can create a culture where vulnerability is met with support instead of shame.

    A Life of Purpose

    Being a person in recovery working in the medical field is not without its struggles, but it’s also a life filled with purpose. Every shift, I have the chance to be a light in someone else’s darkness, to offer hope when it feels like all is lost. And in doing so, I keep my own recovery alive.

    For anyone else in recovery considering or working in healthcare, know this: Your past doesn’t disqualify you. It prepares you. The empathy, resilience, and strength you’ve built are exactly what the world needs. You are proof that healing is possible, both for yourself and for the patients you serve.

    Recovery is a journey, not a destination. And for me, this journey continues in the trenches—one patient, one connection, and one day at a time.

  • From Darkness to Purpose: How I Found My Calling Through Sobriety

    From Darkness to Purpose: How I Found My Calling Through Sobriety

    I still remember the sound of the bottle opening—the sharp hiss of pressure released. It was my signal to exhale, to let go of the stress, to numb the fears I couldn’t face. It began innocently enough, a glass of wine here, a drink there, just to take the edge off after a long day. I was juggling so much at the time: graduate school, single motherhood, and a leadership role at the University of Maine, managing nearly 60 senators representing every graduate program. The weight of it all was enormous, but I was proud of how well I seemed to handle it—at least on the surface.

    Then came 2020.

    The Covid pandemic didn’t just disrupt the world around me; it unraveled the fragile thread holding me together. As a leader during such an uncertain time, I felt a responsibility to remain calm and composed. But inside, I was breaking apart. To cope, I began drinking more—just enough to calm my nerves. It felt harmless at first, even justified. After all, wasn’t everyone finding their own ways to deal with the stress?

    What I didn’t realize was how quickly alcohol had taken hold of my life. What started as an occasional escape became my crutch. Then, seemingly overnight, it became my master. I couldn’t sleep without it. I couldn’t wake up without it. The shakes, the headaches, the constant anxiety—it all demanded I drink just to function. And yet, I was still showing up, still leading, still pretending everything was fine.

    But it wasn’t fine.

    My dependence on alcohol grew in the shadows, invisible to those around me. I was isolated in leadership, feeling like I had no one I could turn to for support. So I turned to the bottle instead. Alcohol became my confidant, my escape, and my prison.

    In just a few months, my life crumbled.

    The responsibilities I had once carried with pride became unbearable. My credibility eroded as the people around me began to see the cracks in the façade. I lost opportunities I had worked so hard to earn. I lost the respect of others, but worse, I lost respect for myself.

    At my lowest point, I found myself sleeping in my car. I had gone from a self-supporting single mom in graduate school and leadership to a homeless woman with nothing but a pile of shattered dreams. My rock bottom wasn’t just a moment; it was a freefall into despair.

    But here’s the thing about rock bottom—it’s also a foundation.

    My recovery started with small, painful steps. Admitting I needed help. Reaching out to people I thought I had alienated forever. Facing the shame and guilt I had drowned for so long. I had to rebuild my life piece by piece, brick by brick, with nothing but the will to survive and a faint hope that maybe—just maybe—I could do better.

    In sobriety, I began to discover not just who I was, but who I was meant to be. My life had been saved—many times, in many ways—by the hands of first responders and healthcare workers. Their compassion and courage became a beacon for me, lighting the way forward. I decided I wanted to give back to the very field that had saved me.

    I became an EMT, then a firefighter, and later found my place in healthcare, working in an emergency department. For the first time, I felt like I was part of something greater than myself. I had found my calling—a purpose that made my pain feel meaningful.

    This work doesn’t just encourage my sobriety; it demands it. I could not perform this job effectively if I weren’t committed to maintaining my recovery. The same tools I once ignored or dismissed—self-awareness, stress management, healthy coping strategies—are now essential to my success. Every shift is a reminder of how far I’ve come and why I must keep moving forward.

    I’ve replaced the bottle with better tools: mindfulness, connection, and a deep commitment to serving others. Instead of running from my emotions, I’ve learned to process them, to face the hard days head-on, and to find strength in vulnerability.

    The irony isn’t lost on me that the career I once feared would judge me for my past has become my greatest ally in staying sober. In helping others, I’ve also helped myself.

    Today, I am not just sober—I am alive, awake, and thriving. I am proud of the person I’ve become, but I never forget the woman I was. She’s the reason I fight so hard to stay on this path.

    If you’re reading this and struggling, I want you to know it’s never too late to rewrite your story. Recovery is possible. A life of purpose and joy is waiting for you on the other side.

    Because sometimes, the worst chapters of our lives are the ones that teach us how to write our best.

  • Support Systems: How My Recovery and Careers Intersect with Community and Mentorship

    Support Systems: How My Recovery and Careers Intersect with Community and Mentorship

    As I reflect on my journey through recovery and my career as a first responder and healthcare professional, one common thread runs throughout: the importance of a solid support system. My success in both arenas—recovery and my professional life—has been shaped, nurtured, and uplifted by the mentors and community that surround me. From recovery groups to colleagues, friends, and mentors, these relationships have been key to my growth and healing, as well as to my ability to excel in a high-pressure environment where mental health often takes a backseat.

    The Role of Mentorship in Recovery and Career

    Recovery is not a journey taken alone, and neither is a career in first response or healthcare. I have been fortunate to have a group of individuals who have guided me through the rough patches, supported me through the trials, and celebrated my victories—no matter how small they might have seemed.

    One of my most influential mentors is Ron Morin, often referred to as “The Grandfather of EMS in Maine.” Ron has not only shared his invaluable knowledge and experience but has also offered personal guidance, helping me navigate the complexities of the EMS world and the challenges that come with it. His mentorship has extended beyond the technical and professional, touching on the personal aspects of resilience and perseverance in the face of adversity.

    Equally important is my counselor, the clinical director at Recovery Connections of Maine. He has been a constant source of support as I work through the emotional aspects of recovery. His ability to provide a safe, non-judgmental space for me to process my experiences has been crucial in helping me stay grounded and focused on my healing. This safe space has allowed me to dig deeper into the roots of my struggles and has provided me with the tools to continue moving forward.

    I also owe a great deal to my life coach, Jenny Sheriff, who wears many hats as a charge nurse in the Emergency Department and a former paramedic. Jenny has been instrumental in helping me find balance and clarity in my work and personal life. Her perspective, both as a healthcare professional and a person with her own wellness journey, has provided invaluable insight into managing stress, expectations, and self-care. She reminds me of the importance of staying centered amidst the chaos, something that is often difficult to do in our line of work.

    On a more personal level, I am blessed to have a close-knit circle of friends and colleagues who have become my emotional support system. My best friend Sadie, who is a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner practicing in the state of Maine, has been more like a sister to me through all of my ups and downs. She has patiently stood by me through trials and tribulations, and provides her keen insight on medication management and the mental health system as a whole. Barbara, a colleague and close friend, is always there to lift me up, especially during tough times. Our shared faith and the prayerful moments we’ve spent together have been a deep source of comfort and strength. And then there’s Graham—my partner. His unwavering love and encouragement are a constant motivator, pushing me to strive for my fullest potential, both in recovery and in my career, and to love myself every step of the way.

    I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the most significant influence in my life: my Mother. Her resilience in the face of adversity set the tone for everything I would come to face. It is from her that I inherited my stubborn optimism and my unwillingness to give up, even in times of struggle. Watching her handle life’s challenges with grace and strength shaped my own outlook on overcoming hardship. She taught me that no matter how hard the road gets, there is always a way forward. Her example continues to guide me in my recovery and in my professional life, reminding me that resilience is something we can all cultivate, no matter the circumstances.

    Building Your Own Support System: Advice for Others

    If there is one thing I have learned along the way, it’s that a strong support system is non-negotiable. If you are in recovery, a first responder, or healthcare worker, or if you are navigating any of life’s challenges, seeking out mentors and building a support network is essential.

    Start by identifying the people who inspire you—those who show up, not just in your moments of success but also in your moments of struggle. Look for individuals who challenge you to grow, who hold you accountable, and who lift you up when you feel like giving up. It’s okay to be vulnerable and open with those who have walked a similar path, as their experiences and guidance can make all the difference.

    In my own journey, the recovery community has played a crucial role. Attending recovery meetings, participating in group therapy, and being part of peer support networks have all given me the opportunity to connect with others who understand the struggle. These meetings have provided a space to share, listen, and learn from others, reinforcing the idea that I am never alone in my experiences. Having access to individual therapy and psychiatry has been just as vital. My psychiatrist, for example, creates a collaborative environment where I can discuss my medications and lifestyle changes in detail, always ensuring that my mental health is prioritized and that we are working together to find the best solutions for my well-being.

    The Power of Community

    In addition to my mentors, I am deeply inspired by the many individuals I work with in both the recovery and healthcare fields. I am constantly motivated by my colleagues in the Emergency Department—doctors, nurses, EMTs, and paramedics—who set incredibly high standards for themselves and for their patient care. Their dedication, work ethic, and commitment to excellence challenges me to raise the bar in my own work and recovery.

    Similarly, I find inspiration in the recovery community. So many individuals extend themselves beyond what might seem realistic—juggling service to others, family responsibilities, and their own recovery journeys with grace and commitment. This willingness to put in the work, even when it’s difficult, reinforces the importance of community and accountability in maintaining long-term recovery.

    Conclusion: The Intersection of Recovery and Career

    When I think about the intersection of my recovery and my career, I realize that both have grown and flourished because of the support systems I’ve surrounded myself with. It is these people—my mentors, colleagues, friends, family, and especially my mother—who have shown me that success in recovery and career is not about doing it alone. It’s about building a community, seeking guidance when needed, and being willing to lean on others when the road gets tough.

    For me, finding faith in a Higher Power has also been instrumental to maintaining my recovery. In times of struggle, when the pressure feels overwhelming, it is my faith that strengthens me and gives me the courage to keep moving forward. The quiet moments I spend in prayer after a particularly hard day help me process the emotional weight of my work and personal experiences. Without this faith, I would not be able to deal with the difficult realities of my job, especially in handling the deceased in my role at the hospital. It is through this faith that I find the strength to do this deeply emotional work, knowing that I am not alone.

    For anyone who is on a similar journey—whether in recovery or in their professional life—know that mentorship, community, and faith are key. Seek out those who inspire you, who challenge you, and who offer support. You don’t have to do it alone.

  • A Day in the Life of a First Responder in Recovery: What It Really Takes

    A Day in the Life of a First Responder in Recovery: What It Really Takes

    Being a first responder and healthcare professional is a high-stakes, high-pressure job. It requires not just physical strength but also emotional resilience, mental clarity, and the ability to stay focused in life-or-death situations. As someone who is both a first responder and in recovery, managing these two aspects of my life is a delicate balancing act. I’m often asked, “How do you do it?” How do I navigate the chaos of a first responder’s day while also staying grounded in my recovery process? Here’s a behind-the-scenes look at what it really takes.

    The Early Start: Grounding Myself for the Day

    The first step in any day for me, whether I’m on shift or not, is grounding myself. Mindfulness is a core practice that sets the tone for everything that follows. The minute I wake up, I take a few minutes to breathe deeply and check in with myself. I ask, “How am I feeling today?” It’s easy to rush through life, but being in recovery has taught me the importance of being present.

    I start with a brief meditation, which helps clear my mind and allows me to step into the day with intention. It’s amazing how just five minutes of stillness can reset my energy and outlook. I’m reminded of the Alcoholics Anonymous saying, “One day at a time.” This has become my mantra; no matter what the day holds, I can handle it if I stay present and take it one moment at a time.

    Staying Physically and Mentally Strong

    Being physically active is a critical part of my routine. As a first responder, I need to be in top shape to meet the physical demands of the job, but regular exercise does more than just build strength—it’s a major part of my emotional and mental well-being. Whether it’s a run, yoga, or some strength training, I prioritize movement in my daily schedule.

    While on shift, I prioritize ergonomic movement. Any time I am engaging my muscles, even while sitting, I try to ensure that I am engaging my core, centering the weight I’m carrying- large or small, and lifting in proper form. Between calls or in the break room at the hospital, I do some simple stretches that keep me connected to my body, and that help to build awareness of where I may need some attention or strength training.

    Along with physical fitness, proper nutrition plays a key role in both my recovery and my ability to handle the physical stress of the job. I’ve learned that fueling my body with whole, nutritious foods gives me the energy and mental clarity needed to perform well. I also take mental health medications as prescribed, ensuring that I’m supported emotionally.

    Something I’ve added to my regimen is LifeVantage Protandim. This supplement helps target oxidative stress, something that can accumulate from the intense demands of my job and recovery process. Protandim supports my cellular health and overall vitality, which is essential for handling both the physical and emotional stress of being a first responder in recovery.

    Facing the Emotional Challenges of the Job

    The emotional toll of being a first responder can be overwhelming. We face situations that most people can’t even imagine—helping in life-threatening emergencies, being with people on their worst days, and witnessing suffering. There’s also the added weight of responding to calls where you can’t save someone, or dealing with a tragedy that lingers long after the call has ended.

    One of the ways I manage the emotional challenges of the job is through journaling. Writing allows me to process what’s happening in my mind and heart. It’s a safe space where I can release the emotions I may not always be able to express in the moment. Journaling is part of my ongoing emotional self-care and helps me clear out the mental clutter.

    I also rely heavily on my recovery community. When I found a non-judgmental group of individuals who understood what I was going through, it was life-changing. We’ve built a community that is rooted in service, support, and understanding. In recovery, we say, “We are only as sick as our secrets,” and being open and vulnerable with others in recovery has been critical for me to stay grounded.

    Counseling has also been a cornerstone of my long-term recovery and resilience, both on and off the job. The confidentiality protected by HIPAA means I can openly discuss the challenges I face in my role as a first responder and healthcare professional without the fear of breaching professional or personal boundaries. Knowing that I have a safe, non-judgmental space to air my thoughts and process my emotions has been invaluable. My counselor offers an unbiased perspective, helping me gain clarity, hear different viewpoints, and develop healthier coping mechanisms for life’s challenges. This support has been instrumental in maintaining my mental and emotional well-being through the ups and downs of both my career and recovery.

    The Power of Unity, Service, and Recovery

    There’s a deep connection between service and recovery. I serve my community as a first responder, but I also serve within my recovery network. It’s not just about what I can do for others on a call; it’s also about how I can show up for my fellow recovering individuals. The saying, “You can’t keep what you have unless you give it away,” is a reminder that the more I serve others, the more I strengthen my own recovery.

    The unity within the recovery community is powerful. I’ve found that by sharing my experiences, struggles, and victories, I not only help others, but I also help myself. It’s a reminder that no one walks this path alone.

    Finding and Relying on a Higher Power

    In my journey of recovery, one of the most significant changes I made was acknowledging the importance of a Higher Power. In our line of work, we are trained to handle everything ourselves, to be the ones who always have the answers. But in recovery, I learned that I don’t have to go through this alone. I’ve found peace in surrendering to a Higher Power—whether that’s God, the universe, or whatever spiritual force you believe in. It’s an act of trust, letting go of the need to control everything and instead having faith that I am supported, no matter what happens.

    The connection to a Higher Power is crucial, especially on days when things feel out of my control. I remind myself of the AA quote: “Faith without works is dead.” Trusting in my Higher Power doesn’t mean I sit back and do nothing—it means I stay proactive in my recovery while also trusting that I am being guided in the right direction.

    Life-Changing Books That Shaped My Journey

    Reading has been a transformative practice in my recovery. Some books have helped me understand myself better and have given me the tools I need to continue growing.

    Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” was a game-changer. It taught me the importance of being present and how to detach from the mental chatter that often drives us to act impulsively. Understanding that “the present moment is all we have” has been a cornerstone of my recovery. It has taught me to let go of past regrets and future fears, focusing instead on living fully in the now.

    Another influential book was Russell Brand’s “Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions”. His insights on addiction, recovery, and spiritual awakening resonated deeply with me. Brand’s humor and brutal honesty made me feel understood and gave me hope that recovery was not just possible, but something worth living for.

    An End-of-Day Routine: Reflecting and Recharging

    When the workday ends, my job doesn’t stop affecting me immediately. I’ve learned that it’s essential to have an end-of-day routine to help me decompress, reflect, and transition from the intensity of my shifts back to myself and my recovery.

    I begin by debriefing with myself—whether through a short prayer, meditation, or journaling. This is my time to process the events of the day, express any emotions that might still be lingering, and clear my mind before I rest. Journaling, in particular, helps me unload the weight of the day, reminding myself of what I’ve accomplished and what I still need to release.

    I also make it a point to connect with my friends and family, even if it’s just through a series of texts or instant messages. Reaching out to them reminds me that I’m not alone and that they love and support me. It’s a simple yet powerful way to stay grounded in the relationships that matter most. Sometimes, I’ll share something about my day, other times it’s just a reminder of how much I care and look forward to seeing them again soon.

    A vital part of my evening is taking time to express gratitude. I do this either mentally or in my journal, listing the things I’m thankful for—whether it’s the support of my loved ones, the strength I’ve found within myself, or the simple gift of being able to serve others. Gratitude keeps me humble and reminds me that I have much to be thankful for, even on tough days.

    To help me fully unwind, I indulge in a comfort ritual, which usually involves a warm cup of tea. On some nights, it’s kava or chamomile, both of which soothe my mind and body. On others, I opt for a cup of hot cocoa with lots of marshmallows, depending on my mood. It’s a little moment of warmth and peace before I settle into bed.

    Afterward, I shower to unwind my body, soothing any aching muscles from a physically demanding day. It’s also a way to wash off the grime of the day, both literally and metaphorically, clearing myself from whatever dirt, bodily fluids, or emotional weight the shift may have brought.

    Finally, before I go to sleep, I take a moment to thank my Higher Power for the gift of another day—another opportunity to be of service to others. I express my gratitude for getting through the day, for the strength to face whatever challenges arose, and for the chance to rest and recharge for tomorrow.

    Tips for First Responders Balancing Work and Recovery

    If you’re a first responder or healthcare professional in recovery, or anyone juggling work and recovery, here are some tips that might help:

    1. Start your day with intention: Whether it’s meditation, prayer, or journaling, set a positive tone for your day. Grounding yourself first thing will help you navigate the chaos of the job.
    2. Prioritize your physical and mental health: Regular exercise, healthy food, and taking your medications are essential for keeping your mind and body in good shape.
    3. Leverage your support network: Build relationships with others who understand your journey. Recovery doesn’t have to be a solo path. Lean on others, and offer your support in return.
    4. Embrace service: Whether it’s through your work as a first responder or within your recovery community, service is a powerful way to stay connected and strengthen your own recovery.
    5. Trust in a Higher Power: Let go of the need to control everything. Trust that you are supported and guided, no matter what challenges you face.

    Final Thoughts

    A day in the life of a first responder and healthcare professional in recovery isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. It requires strength, dedication, and a deep commitment to both the job and the recovery process. Through mindfulness, community support, and a connection to a Higher Power, I’ve learned to manage the challenges that come with my profession and stay grounded in my recovery. It’s not about perfection—it’s about progress, one day at a time. And that’s what keeps me moving forward.

  • The Silent Epidemic: Substance Use and Mental Health in First Responders

    The Silent Epidemic: Substance Use and Mental Health in First Responders

    First responders are often hailed as heroes, people who put their lives on the line every day to protect and serve their communities. However, behind the sirens and the courage, there is an undeniable, silent epidemic: the link between mental health struggles and substance use. The very nature of their work—responding to life-threatening situations, witnessing tragedy, and managing high-stress emergencies—creates an environment where mental health challenges are common. Unfortunately, many first responders turn to substances as a way to cope, often unknowingly feeding into a dangerous cycle that can impact their lives and careers.

    The Coping Mechanism: Substances and Mental Health

    Substance use, whether it’s alcohol, marijuana, or other drugs, is frequently used as a coping mechanism to manage the overwhelming stress and trauma that first responders face daily. These substances may offer a temporary sense of relief, dulling the emotional pain of a difficult call or a sleepless night, but this relief is fleeting and comes with significant risks.

    Alcohol, in particular, is commonly used as a way to unwind after a shift. However, the impact of alcohol on sleep and stress hormones cannot be ignored. While alcohol might help someone fall asleep faster, it actually disrupts the quality of sleep, preventing the body from entering restorative deep sleep. This sleep disturbance can worsen mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, both of which are prevalent among first responders. The regular use of alcohol also interferes with the body’s stress response system, exacerbating feelings of stress and making it harder to cope with daily challenges.

    Marijuana, which has been legalized both medicinally and recreationally in Maine, is often viewed as a less harmful alternative. However, it comes with its own set of risks. While marijuana may seem to offer stress relief, it does not actually reduce stress in the long term. In fact, using marijuana can worsen anxiety and emotional dysregulation over time, making it more difficult to process emotions effectively. Moreover, marijuana can impair cognitive functions such as judgment and reaction time, which is especially dangerous for first responders who need to be sharp and clear-headed when making life-saving decisions, particularly when driving emergency vehicles.

    When Does Substance Use Become a Problem?

    It’s important to recognize when substance use has crossed the line from a temporary coping mechanism to a problem. Signs that substance use is becoming a problem include:

    • Increased tolerance – needing more of the substance to achieve the same effect.
    • Mood swings or emotional numbness that lasts long after using the substance.
    • Physical symptoms such as hangovers, poor sleep, or gastrointestinal issues.
    • Negative impact on work – including missing shifts, declining performance, or unsafe practices.
    • Relationship issues – conflicts with family, friends, or colleagues.
    • Using substances to cope with stress, anxiety, or trauma, rather than addressing the root cause.

    If you notice any of these signs in yourself or a colleague, it’s time to seek help.

    Stories of Recovery: A Path Forward

    Recovery from substance use is not only possible but can be transformative. Many first responders have shared their stories of overcoming substance dependence and turning their lives around. Rehab programs and support groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA), provide a crucial support network. These programs offer not only sobriety tools but a community of individuals who understand the unique challenges of first responders.

    For me, my own journey to sobriety has been both liberating and life-changing. On July 29, 2020, I made the decision to live a life free from mind-altering substances. Little did I know, this decision would not only change my health and my mindset but would also be the catalyst that led me to the career I have today in emergency medical services and fire fighting. Had I not chosen sobriety, I might have never answered the call to serve as a first responder. Sobriety connected me to my true calling, and since then, I’ve found that the alternative stress management techniques I use—like meditation, exercise, and connecting with others—allow me to process trauma in a way that substances never could.

    Treatment Options: Finding Help

    If you or someone you know is struggling with substance use, it’s important to know that there is help available. Treatment options for substance use disorders are varied and can be tailored to fit individual needs. Inpatient and outpatient rehabilitation programs provide structured environments to help individuals detox and learn new coping mechanisms. Support groups like AA, NA, and even specialized groups for first responders can provide a sense of community and understanding during the recovery process.

    In addition, therapy options such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and trauma-focused therapy can help address the underlying mental health issues that often contribute to substance use. These therapies work to reshape negative thought patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms for dealing with stress and trauma.

    The Importance of Sobriety

    Living a life free of substances is not just about avoiding the negative impacts of alcohol and drugs. It’s about gaining clarity, strength, and resilience in the face of trauma. Sobriety has given me the tools to handle stress and trauma in healthier ways, without relying on substances to dull the pain. My ability to serve as a first responder has been strengthened because I can think clearly, react appropriately, and make decisions based on my training and experience—without the clouding effects of substances.

    As first responders, we must advocate for better mental health services, not only for those we serve but for ourselves as well. It’s time to end the stigma surrounding mental health in our profession and embrace sobriety and recovery as pathways to healthier, longer careers and lives. If you are struggling with substance use, know that there is no shame in seeking help. Your health, both mental and physical, depends on it.

    If you are in need of assistance or support, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trusted peer- such as myself, a professional, or a support group. Sobriety is possible, and it can lead to a brighter future, both for you and the community you serve.