When someone you care about—whether a friend, family member, colleague, or fellow first responder—is struggling, your words and approach can make a huge difference. Trauma-informed dialogue focuses on creating a safe, nonjudgmental space where they feel heard, supported, and understood. Here’s how to implement this compassionate approach:
1. Prioritize Safety and Trust
• Start with empathy: Begin by acknowledging their struggle without judgment or assumptions. For example:
“I’ve noticed you seem a bit off lately, and I wanted to check in. How are you doing?”
• Be consistent and reliable: Show up when you say you will, listen without interruption, and maintain confidentiality to build trust.
2. Use Nonjudgmental Language
• Avoid blame or shaming statements like, “You’re overreacting” or “Why can’t you just let it go?”
• Instead, try: “That sounds really difficult. I can understand why you’d feel that way.”
• Remember, trauma responses aren’t about being “weak” but are the brain’s way of coping with overwhelming stress.
3. Practice Active Listening
• Give them space to speak: Sometimes, they need to process their thoughts out loud. Avoid jumping in with advice right away.
• Reflect what you hear to show understanding:
“It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to start. That makes a lot of sense.”
4. Avoid Triggers
• Trauma can make certain words, tones, or topics feel threatening. Pay attention to their body language and emotional cues.
• If they seem agitated or withdrawn, adjust your approach. Use calm, reassuring tones and focus on the present moment.
5. Focus on Empowerment, Not Fixing
• Instead of saying, “You should…” or “Here’s what you need to do…”, try asking:
“What do you think would help right now?”
• Validate their strengths: “I know this is hard, but I’m amazed by how strong you’ve been through everything.”
6. Know When to Step Back and Offer Resources
• If their struggles are beyond what you can handle, gently suggest professional support:
“I’m here for you, but I wonder if talking to someone like a counselor or therapist might help. I can help you find someone if you’d like.”
• Offer resources without pressure, such as crisis lines, peer support groups, or wellness programs.
7. Follow Up
• Support isn’t a one-time conversation. Check in periodically:
“I’ve been thinking about you. How have things been going?”
• Even small, consistent actions—like sending a thoughtful text—show that you care.
Why It Matters for First Responders
First responders often face unique challenges, including cumulative stress and exposure to traumatic events. Trauma-informed dialogue acknowledges these pressures without minimizing them. It’s about saying, “I see you, I hear you, and I’m here for you,” in a way that respects their experience and humanity.
By using trauma-informed dialogue, you’re not just helping someone feel supported—you’re creating a foundation for trust, healing, and resilience. Together, we can break down the stigma around seeking help and foster a culture of compassion and understanding.
You’re never alone in this journey. Let’s make sure no one else feels they are, either.
Still feeling lost? Here is a sample conversation that puts trauma informed dialogue into practice…
Scenario: Two EMTs, Chris and Taylor, are chatting after a shift. Chris has noticed Taylor has been quieter than usual and seems stressed.
Opening the Conversation
Chris:
“Hey Taylor, you’ve seemed a bit off the last few shifts. Everything okay?”
Taylor:
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, I guess.”
Chris:
“I get that—this job takes it out of you. But I don’t know, it seems like more than just being tired. I’m here if you want to talk.”
Acknowledging and Validating
Taylor:
“I don’t know, man. It’s just been a lot lately. That call last week with the kid… I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Chris:
“Yeah, that was a tough one. Those kinds of calls stick with you. It’s completely normal to feel like this.”
Taylor:
“I keep wondering if we missed something, you know? Like, what if there was something more we could have done?”
Chris:
“That’s a heavy weight to carry. I’ve felt like that before too—second-guessing everything. But from what I saw, you did everything you could. That kid had the best chance because of you.”
Using Active Listening
Taylor:
“I know you’re probably right, but it just doesn’t feel that way. And then every time I try to sleep, it’s like I’m back on that call.”
Chris:
“That sounds rough. Not being able to shake it and having it mess with your sleep—it’s no wonder you’re feeling drained. It makes sense that this would be sticking with you.”
Taylor:
“Yeah. And I can’t really talk about it at home. It doesn’t feel right to bring that stuff home, to talk about something like that with my wife who doesn’t need that image in her head too.”
Chris:
“That’s tough, I know the feeling. But you can always talk to me. You don’t have to carry this alone.”
Focusing on Empowerment
Chris:
“Have you thought about what might help you feel a little better? Sometimes talking to someone outside of work, like a counselor, can help sort through all of this.”
Taylor:
“I don’t know. I’ve never done that before. Feels kind of… weak, you know?”
Chris:
“Trust me, I’ve been there. I thought the same thing, but talking to someone helped me work through stuff I didn’t even know was weighing me down. It’s not about being weak—it’s about taking care of yourself so you can keep doing this job.”
Offering Support
Chris:
“If you want, I can help you find someone to talk to. I know a few resources that specialize in first responders. No pressure, just an option.”
Taylor:
“Yeah, maybe. I’ll think about it.”
Chris:
“That’s all I ask. In the meantime, let me know if you want to grab coffee or vent about anything. There’s also a support group I go to sometimes, once a month, if you’d ever want to go with me. No matter what, I’ve got your back.”
Taylor:
“Thanks, Chris. I appreciate it. It would be nice to grab coffee outside of work sometime, and let me know when that group is. I’ll give anything a try at this point.”
This example highlights trauma-informed dialogue by creating a safe space, validating feelings, avoiding judgment, and empowering the struggling colleague to consider next steps. It’s a realistic approach to starting meaningful conversations about mental health in the workplace.
If you’re unsure of how to start a conversation with someone who is struggling, reach out to mindovermayday@gmail.com and you will receive personalized advice compiled by myself and my own mentors. Note: we are not licensed therapists or counselors, just fellow first responders on a mission to help other first responders in crisis.