When I first entered the world of recovery, the phrase “Higher Power” felt foreign, almost unapproachable. In the early days of working a 12-step program, I wrestled with the idea of surrendering to something greater than myself. As someone who had relied on grit, resilience, and control to navigate life’s challenges, the concept of letting go felt like a contradiction to everything I knew. But I was desperate for change, and that desperation became the fertile ground where my understanding of a Higher Power began to grow.
In the beginning, my Higher Power wasn’t a deity or a cosmic force. It was the people I trusted. My sponsor, the community of recovery meetings, and the friends who believed in something greater than themselves—they became the scaffolding for my faith. I borrowed their belief when I didn’t have any of my own. Their stories of surrender, resilience, and hope were my foundation. They reminded me that I didn’t have to know all the answers, and that simply trusting the process was enough to start.
Over time, as I moved through the steps, something began to shift. It wasn’t an overnight revelation but a gradual awakening. I began to notice how prayer and meditation opened doors within me that I didn’t know existed. My prayers were simple at first: a whispered plea for strength or a moment of gratitude for getting through another day sober. Meditation, too, was a challenge initially—my thoughts raced, and silence felt intimidating. But as I continued to show up for those practices, I started to feel a connection I couldn’t explain. It was as if the act of seeking created a space for grace to enter.
Around this time, I picked up Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. The book articulated something I had started to sense but couldn’t yet put into words: the idea that we are all connected, both to each other and to a universal Oneness. Tolle’s exploration of ego, presence, and interconnectedness resonated deeply with me. It wasn’t just about finding peace within myself; it was about understanding that I’m part of something much larger. This realization didn’t diminish my individuality—it gave it purpose. I began to see the divine not as a distant figure but as the thread that weaves through all of existence, connecting us in ways both visible and unseen.
Today, my belief in a Higher Power is an integral part of my daily life. Prayer and meditation are no longer just tools for coping; they are ways to align myself with that universal Oneness. Through them, I’ve come to see life as purposeful, even when it’s painful. Tragedy, I believe, is not without meaning. It creates opportunities for those who experience loss to transform their healing journeys into sources of strength and connection. When I reflect on the hardest moments of my life, I see how they have shaped my ability to empathize with others. My pain has given me the language to connect, the wisdom to guide, and the courage to share my story.
This belief in a Higher Power has reshaped not just my recovery but my entire approach to life. I no longer see challenges as obstacles to be conquered but as opportunities to grow and connect. I believe we are here to support one another, to learn from each other, and to contribute to the collective healing of the world. This perspective has not only deepened my personal practice but has also informed how I approach my work, my relationships, and my advocacy for mental health and first responders.
If you’re struggling with the idea of a Higher Power, I want you to know that it’s okay to start small. Borrow the faith of others if you need to. Begin with curiosity rather than certainty. And trust that the journey itself will reveal what you need to know, one step at a time. For me, finding a Higher Power wasn’t about adopting someone else’s definition of God; it was about discovering the divine within myself and the world around me. That discovery continues to shape me, and for that, I am profoundly grateful.
Mind Over Mayday 